Hi! I’m gonna talk about my past life. My past life was a morbid experience for me because a lot of things happened to me when I was young. During my early years, I was really curious of a lot of things and I would try everything that people would do in everyday life. I tried smoking at a young age, I lost my favorite uncle, I got into a lot of fights, entered gangsters and fraternities, drinking beer and etc.
This all happened when I was young and it all started when my favorite uncle died. He was very dear to me. He was my buddy when he visits at my place. We would spend time together anytime and anywhere. But one day when I was at school, my mom came to my school and told me and my brother that he died. At first I didn’t believe that he died and when we went to his funeral I saw his coffin. It was a shock to me. I didn’t cry at first but in while my grandmother told me to wake him up and then I came to realize that he really died. My tears wouldn’t stop because I saw him lying down in that coffin knowing that my very best buddy died without telling me anything. I was torn apart and I started to hate God. I regretted praying to him.
After that event, I started to have a normal life again without having this mentality about God. But when I was 13, my parents forced me to join YFC because they are in CFC and I was like ok with it because it was me and my cousin joining at that camp. At first day, I met a lot of people and it was tiring first day because we had a very long talk. After that went to bed and I dreamt about my cousin. He showed himself in my dream. He told me “You shouldn’t blame God because it was my decision to leave you guys. And I’m also sorry that I didn’t say goodbye” after that he showed me all the memories that we had and it was very sad for me and I cried. When I woke up, my pillow was drenched because of my tears. After that I took YFC camp seriously.
After the YFC camp, I continued my normal life with a little knowledge about God. And I entered high school life. It was a shock to me because it was totally different experience for me. I entered the YFC club because I was forced by my sister to join and I was the well known youngest YFC member. But at that time, I was my sister’s shadow. I was only known because of my sister. They would call me Portia’s brother instead my name. I was inactive for a while and then a group of people invited me to their party and I said yes to them because it was a party. When I came to the party, it was not a typical party. It was a party where people would drink and smoke. They gave me a bottle of beer and a cigarette and I accepted it. I tried drinking the bear and it tasted so bad at first but I got hooked up by it. After that I joined their Gang and we would chill out everyday and waste our life. I would go with them everyday to go to a bar and drink and smoke. Sometimes we would go flirt with girls. Sometimes we would go out to find a fight or beat up someone just for fun. It was really fun for me because I feel the love of my gang and one day, our gang leader go beaten up and we were mad. We searched the gang who beat our leader but we couldn’t find them. After what happened, our gang leader got kicked out from school and then me and my gang got separated.
I was all alone now. I wasn’t needed in the YFC and my gang got separated. But someone told me to join this fraternity and I accepted it. When I came to the fraternity house, they told me that I have to undergo an initiation. They used a paddle to hit the back of my thighs. It hurts after that but it was worth it for me because it was a bigger group and it was well known. After a few days, someone from YFC came up to me and we had a one on one. It was awkward at first because it was a girl and it was something personal. But after that, I feel something new because I got to know this girl more and she gave me a good reason why I should leave my fraternity. The day after, I told my area head in my fraternity that I should quit and he told me that I have to go another initiation but I declined. I didn’t go to my fraternity’s meeting and hang out. And they just forgot about me. I started to join YFC meetings again and this time my sister already graduated and the YFC know for who I am now. I always go to their meeting and I felt like it was good because I felt the love of my friends in YFC and the love of God. I was thinking of my old self and I told my self that how I really compromised myself just to fit in with this bunch of people rather than knowing God’s love to me is incomparable to their love to me. And our YFC leader told me that they need a guitarist to play for their club and they told me that I should be the one. I was happy because I have another reason why I should be in YFC.
I served my first camp, I met a lot of people, and I feel more love from the YFC. Those experiences were so great and one day my dad told me that we’re moving to the U.S. because my mom found a way to live together in the U.S. I was so shocked because my life is completely stable and I have to start another life. I gave my goodbyes to my friends, teachers and relatives. During my last week here in the Philippines, my friends gave me cards and I was so happy because they gave me these cards but when they went home, I burned those cards because I don’t want to feel sad when I’m there in the U.S. the day when I left the Philippines, I remembered all of the things that I did here in the Philippines and it was fun. My life was a thrill because a lot of things happened and I’m still here in one piece. When I came here in the U.S. it was cold and I had no one to talk with. I’ve missed my relatives and friends in the Philippines. I would call them everyday so that I can talk to them. My mom knew that we were lonely and we had no one to talk with, so she introduced some people from YFC here in U.S. I talked to some of them and then they told me to join one of their meetings and I said ok. At that moment, I was thinking of my YFC friends back in the Philippines. At the meeting, I was disappointed because it was not the same back in the Philippines. I keep on telling my self that my YFC back in the Philippines was better. And after that I didn’t go to their following meetings. I didn’t do anything at all. I was a loner at school. I had only a few friends in school. I would call my friends at the Philippines.
One day something happened, a split happened in CFC. I really didn’t care because it was only in the U.S. happened. So after that, my dad told me to play the guitar during the 1st meeting of YFC after the split. I was saying no to my dad because it’s still useless but I ended up playing. When I got there in the meeting, it was only eight people there. No one was there. I felt that the YFC is just gonna end up disappearing. But after that meeting, I bonded with them and I got to know them more. I got to jam with some of them. It changed my point of view. After a few weeks, a guy told me to join their meeting for upcoming YFC camp and I was surprised because I was a new member to them and I’m already serving a camp. We talked and talked, we got to bond more and I started to know them more. I was starting to feel loved again. The day where camp started, I met a lot of people already. I got to talk to them. I really felt that I was loved because they didn’t mind who I was or how I look especially how I talk because I was a Fob. During the camp, there was a lot of crying and stuff like that but one thing I notice is that I see Christ in them. And I was thinking comparing the YFC back there in the Philippines and the YFC here in U.S. and I notice that in this community here in the U.S. it’s not only being a friend but also being a family to them, being their brother, kuya or manong. And I believe that God have blessed me with this community. And I also think that the split and me being here in the U.S. was part of God’s plan. And I also feel that I experienced those problems in life so that I could tell them not to do the same mistake that I did.
This is how God showed me the right road, the road that I didn’t take when I was young. I am sharing this to you not because to make you feel bad for me or to show your pity for me but to let you know that your not the only one who experienced the problems that you are experiencing and also to let you know how God could show himself not only face to face but through someone else. You might not know that the God might be using the people around you or maybe God is using me to show you how God loves you. If you say that this is my entire problem, no. this is only few of the many problems that I have encountered. It’s not too late; it’s never been too late to change like I did.
From a loving brother/kuya/manong
Jhonas Moldez a.k.a Fez
("A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.")